I am now completely with R, since C is not interested in being in a more stable relationship with me. Or in any relationship with me, for that matter. Except, I don't think R and I have much in common. He just recently discovered Sandman comic. This is the first comic book he has ever read. He wanted to know if I had ever heard of it. First of all, let me tell you that I own 2,000 comic books. 90% of my collection are Marvel, and 90% of that are X-titles. Mostly X-men and Uncanny X-men with a smattering of X-force and X-factor. 2% of my collection are a random mix of Image, Dark Horse and a few DC and Batman graphic novels. The remaining 8% are Vertigo. I even own the Vertigo Tarot deck. So yeah, I have heard and read Sandman by Neil Gaiman. DUH! So it is a totally stupid question to ask me. It just goes to show how very little he knows about me. And like I said, we have so very little in common. He goes to Burning Man every year, I hate to be hot and dirty. He goes on 40 mile bike rides, I haven't been on a bicycle since I was 14. Plus there is the added problem of height. R and I are the same height, when I wear heals, I am taller. This really bothers him and bruises his ego. So he insists that I wear flats. I don't watch the Bachelor, but my life is kind of sounding like a soap opera right now. C is the one I want to be with, but he doesn't want to be with me.
I feel like the worst mother ever, because I forgot to send my 4 year-old son to preschool with Valentine's for his friends. He got a bunch from everyone else. Of course they have mother's who pay attention to these things. There was a note in his cubby, which I forgot to check this week. Ooops. What an idiot. Not like I am getting anything for Valentine's Day. Apparently R mailed me something from Hawaii, but I probably won't get it tomorrow, because he mailed it on Wednesday and it is supposed to take 3-5 days. I would like flowers and candy. The last time anyone gave me flowers or anything on Valentine's Day would be seven years ago. Last year, some girls from work gave me flowers on Mother's Day. And also I got a potted plant last year on Admin Professional's Day. But the last time anyone actually took me out to dinner on Valentine's Day was in 2002. And the last time someone ordered flowers mailed to my house, would have been on my birthday in 2001. So, I have been just ignoring Valentine's Day, instead of buying Valentine's for my son to give everyone at school from Wal-mart. But in my defense I have been under a lot of stress, what with having to find a new place to live. What there should be is a Single Mother Appreciation Day and on that day someone comes and cleans my house and cooks me dinner and does all my important thinking for me.
My life is so many ups and downs. "Stuck on this roller coaster. Can't get off of this ride!" My landlord hasn't been paying the mortgage on the triplex that I rent. He hasn't paid it since September! He has 30 days to pay $240,000 or lose the place to public auction. Which means I have to find a new place to live. What really sucks, is, I paid the rent for this month. All the money that I had, which I could have used to find another place to live.
R has a blog with pictures from Hawaii up. It looks really beautiful. I wish I was on a tropical beach living it up. But no, I am at home feeling sorry for myself. I don't miss R. at all. It is C. that I am missing. The idea of never seeing C. again is really upsetting.
So that is the big island of Hawaii, a few miles south of Kona apparently.
C. replied to my email. He said: "I have given you all that I am capable of right now. It is not enough for you and you are clearly seeking a more dedicated relationship. I can't give that to you." I just said that I wanted to see him more than every two months. I didn't ask him to be my boyfriend, call me every day or even see him every week. I didn't ask for a commitment, just maybe see him twice a month. I didn't think that was unreasonable to ask. Guess so. To Hell with him anyway. Kind of familiar. R said something similar to me in June. I wanted more of a relationship with him than just seeing him once a week to go to a movie and have sex. I wanted him to go places with me and be interested in my life. He said he couldn't do that and that he had to go "find himself". Then he came back six months later and said he missed me and wanted to be with me in a relationship. And now I'm the one who isn't too sure.
R. emailed me yesterday and said he missed me and wished that I was in Hawaii with him. Me too. I guess I will just devote all my time to R. Maybe I can grow to care for him and love him. Or maybe someday I will meet a guy who I like a lot who likes me a lot back. Wouldn't that be nice?
One month since I was laid off, about a hundred filled applications, three interviews and I got a job offer today. Can I get a WOO HOOO!?
R. is in Hawaii, so he's not around to take me out to celebrate and C. is mad at me, because I flipped out on him in an email. Bitchy me. I was just upset about seeing Storm with R and I thought maybe C was mad. Which he said he wasn't. But his email sounded so cold, that I flipped out and said that I care about him, but he doesn't give a shit about me. And he was like, "What is your problem?" So I wrote him a long email where I feel that I was very profound at 6 this morning, saying that I wanted to see him more than once every two months. I wasn't saying that I want him to be my boyfriend or that I want to see him every day. But more like once a week or even twice a month. I just want to have a higher priority in his life. He hasn't answered me yet, so he might have just decided that I am out of my mind and not worth the trouble. Then I end up married to R and miserable. Not fair. But I don't think that I am being completely unreasonable.
So, I was laid off my job on January 5th. It has been a month now that I have been out of work, which is why I haven't been on here in such a long time. I have been looking for a job. It really sucks, because I worked so hard to get my job. I was a temp for a year and a half, and then finally they hired me on permanently and then they laid off 16 people, me included. I am just so exhausted from all the stress and worry. I have been spending most days, all day sending out resumes and filling out applications. Today, though, I am just so burned out by it. So, I have been spending most of the day taking tests on OK Cupid.
My unemployment barely pays the bills. I had to get food stamps so that we can eat. I paid my rent and my car payment. I am borrowing money to pay my electric and gas bill. I can pay my car insurance with this week's unemployment check. Next week I can pay the cable bill. Monday, I have an interview in Salem for the Oregon State Hospital as a Public Service Rep. 2 (receptionist). It pays $1,916 - $2,585 a month. And since it is through the state there will be good benefits. So, it is not all gloom and doom. But it is really hard right now.
I have been kind of dating two guys. One guy I used to date, but hadn't seen since June, emailed me and said he missed me. I have been spending a lot of time with him the last few weeks. We have gone to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, Twilight and Taken. He is also the one that is loaning me the money for my utilities. He is also taking me to see Storm and the Balls, my favorite local band on Feb. 20th. www.stormlarge.com
So, if you see the man below, tell him Kami loves him. On second thought, don't tell him that. He wouldn't believe you anyway. Who am I kidding? If you see this man, you are going to run away. Maybe some day my prince in black leather will want to be with me. Until then I will be with the one who does want me, who I don't want. Why does life have to be so complicated?
I was so going to try to be a reformed bad girl and be good from now on. Didn't really work. Saturday I went to a day after Halloween, Day of the Dead party. I was what my mother said, " a scary fairy". Though I think I was more on the "slutty" fairy side. I drank so much, the whole night is a blur. Apparently I had 10 shots. I had three rums and cokes with three shots in each and then I did a shot of a German Chocolate Cake. I was in a guy's lap most of the night and making out with him. Terrible. Such a bad girl.
The Chocolate Cake Shot. My favorite. A delicious, hard-to-believe surprise of tasty chocolate cake, where no cake and no chocolate can be found. Indulge.
Ingredients:
- 1 part vanilla vodka (Smirnoff works fine)
- 1 part hazelnut liqueur (I think Frangelico is key)
- 1 sugar-coated lemon slice
Have the shot, suck the lemon. You'll experience the cake when you get to the lemon. Why it tastes like chocolate cake? We'll never know. It's so good it doesn't matter.
September 24, 2008
To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for taking the time to learn about the exciting vision that is stirring up in our Northwest Portland community. We would like to invite you to a special banquet. On November 7, 2008 at 6:00pm, join us and learn about the M.A.C.E. Center’s Nehemiah Building Project. Help us to carry on the tradition of community service in Northeast Portland.
Local community members and stakeholders throughout the Portland Metro area recognize the need of Northeast Portland community residents for a facility that provides a gathering place and sanctuary of the community. For this reason, we have begun fund raising efforts to forward the development process our M.A.C.E. Center located at 126 NE Alberta. With your help and support, we believe the legacy of the M.A.C.E. Center, which has been a part of the Northeast community for decades, will continue to serve present and future generations.
M.A.C.E. Center’s current location was originally established as Portland’s first Y.W.C.A. in the 1900’s. In 1921 the building was purchased by Mallory Avenue Church, which expanded and modified the building until its completion in the 1950’s. In the decades since, Mallory Avenue facilities has served the community in many capacities.
The Center has also served as the launching ground for several ministries and non-profits. Given its legacy, consider this 20,000 square foot building, on the corner of Alberta and Mallory as one of Northeast Portland’s most identifiable landmark and continues to be a venue for:
Ø Community Meeting Space
Ø Wedding Hall
Ø Funeral Services
This important community resource is ready for its next life-stage. At the Banquet we will discuss details about the center’s plans for activities, which presently include:
Theatre Food Boxes
Musicals Support Groups for Women & Men
Game Room Counseling / Marriage, Grief and Loss
Exercise Programs Feeding Hot Meals and Shelter Program
Community Meetings / Social Hall Clothing Closet
With your help along with community commitment, we will be able to upgrade the M.A.C.E. Center’s infrastructure and provide state of the art resources to assist the community with a whole range of resources, personal support and professional development. This event will provide you with the unique opportunity to find out how you can strengthen your commitment to our Northeast community to continue this tradition of local services.
This year, the Nehemiah Building Project's theme is titled, “Keeping the Legacy Alive” after Rev. Dr. Hamlin who gave so many years of his life, dedicated to helping and empowering our community. Given the scope of impact that this project is going to have on our community, we are encouraging you to participate in any way.
We look forward to seeing you on November 7, 2008. @ 6pm. We also celebrate Rev. Woods’ 10 years of the Positive Youth Development Program that is housed at the M.A.C.E. Center offering several components:
Ø Summer Day Camp for 3 - 11yrs.
Ø Recreational/Sports Activities/Events
Ø After School Programs for Elementary and Middle School
Ø Social Group Counseling
Ø Outreach for Middle School and High School
Ø Family Enrichment
Ø Counseling and Case Management Services
This year’s keynote speaker will be none other than, Multnomah County Commissioner Jeff Cogen. To reserve you place at this event or to find out about a tax-deductible donation, how to sponsor a table, individual banquet ticket prices or to learn more about this event please contact Donna Eggemeyer by phone 971-255-0804 CCC, 503-887-2765 mobile or by email calvary126@inbox.com. All checks should be made payable to the “Charitable Partnership Fund, M.A.C.E. Program.” You may also mail your tax-deductible donation to: Charitable Partnership Fund C/O Calvary Christian Church, Rev. Frederick Woods, 126 NE Alberta Street, Portland, OR 97211. We are excited to hear from you and appreciate your support of this important community undertaking.
Sincerely
Donna Eggemeyer,
Project Director
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Recent Comments
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none said:
I'll have to check out this band! I have a myspace full of bands. read more
on Storm Large -
none said:
too bad the owner didn't put your rent towards his mortgage!Good luck with a new place read more
on I have to move -
lmao! read more
on Controllifepicub1